Wow...easier said than done for sure. I'm supposed to sit here and write for 7-10 minutes about whatever comes to mind. Well, I can tell you that this day has been a great challenge for me. I have laughed and cried, laughed...and cried. It seems that the closer I get to graduation, the more unsure I feel about my future. See, I have been putting together plans for a big healing center. I have my vision all laid out pretty well. I have investors, people interested in working with me, decorating ideas...it really seems as though I have most of the details figured out.
So what's all the confusion about? Great question. All of a sudden I am finding myself very discontent in my relationship. Why? Also a great question. I have no effing clue. Sure, we've had struggles. There are always things that could be better and some that couldn't possibly. For some reason, things are going just splendidly and I have become very discontent. I feel awful. (It's been 3 minutes and I'm starting to cry).
This man has been so supportive throughout my journey here at SWIHA. He has cooked and put up with me keeping a crazy, inconvenient schedule, he's listened to all the amazing things I've learned and he's enjoyed the growth I've endured because it makes me all a better person in the end....well I WAS feeling like a better person.
Now I am scared about our future. We've been through so much and have come out strong, but now I'm feeling the darkness come upon us again. I can't do this again. I can't endure that pain anymore but to decide to walk away would mean throwing away nearly 8 years and devastating my best friend. My big question is WHY???? Why am I feeling this way? Will this pass again? How long will it take? Am I supposed to keep on pretending that everything is OK and cross my fingers for the wave to subside?
If I tell him what I'm feeling I will start a great depression when we're supposed to be celebrating. But how can I even assume that he doesn't already sense something is wrong? I have to wait. There is too much love here to just throw it all away. I love him and he worships me. Patience...patience....love. Whew.
So what's all the confusion about? Great question. All of a sudden I am finding myself very discontent in my relationship. Why? Also a great question. I have no effing clue. Sure, we've had struggles. There are always things that could be better and some that couldn't possibly. For some reason, things are going just splendidly and I have become very discontent. I feel awful. (It's been 3 minutes and I'm starting to cry).
This man has been so supportive throughout my journey here at SWIHA. He has cooked and put up with me keeping a crazy, inconvenient schedule, he's listened to all the amazing things I've learned and he's enjoyed the growth I've endured because it makes me all a better person in the end....well I WAS feeling like a better person.
Now I am scared about our future. We've been through so much and have come out strong, but now I'm feeling the darkness come upon us again. I can't do this again. I can't endure that pain anymore but to decide to walk away would mean throwing away nearly 8 years and devastating my best friend. My big question is WHY???? Why am I feeling this way? Will this pass again? How long will it take? Am I supposed to keep on pretending that everything is OK and cross my fingers for the wave to subside?
If I tell him what I'm feeling I will start a great depression when we're supposed to be celebrating. But how can I even assume that he doesn't already sense something is wrong? I have to wait. There is too much love here to just throw it all away. I love him and he worships me. Patience...patience....love. Whew.
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